Imposter Syndrome, Perfectionism and Timing
This morning I was looking out of my window thinking the weather forecast was wrong, there was no snow. Then the sky was full of huge white flakes swirling in the wind. Instant change.
In life we often want the expected or planned things to happen according to our timeline and they don't, or not in quite the way we were expecting them to. Sometimes, no matter how much planning or preparation you do, if you struggle constantly with imposter syndrome then you need help to work on your mindset.
It's hard to do this alone!
I've been getting help with this and I'm still working on it, personally and professionally.
I picked up some particularly useful tools on an ACT-based training, (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), taught by Dr Paul Flaxman of City, University of London.
ACT is a huge subject and I'm no expert, only a beginner, but I've added one strategy to my toolkit that I like and that works for me: The 'Passengers on the Bus' exercise.
If my thoughts or feelings are passengers on my bus 😊😠😑😴😶😕 they may stay on the bus for just a few stops or they may be there for the whole journey, they may even be annoying, but wishing my passengers away or not wanting to acknowledge them only makes them shout louder for my attention.
If I can acknowledge them and accept them, whether they feel helpful or unhelpful, I can get on with my day. My passengers are still there but they've quietened down because they've been heard.
Did I mention that I'm also a writer? No? Well that's probably why I like to use that tool. I love a good story.
Hang on, how did I manage to leave out mentioning a part of me that is essential to my well being as well as my work? Sneaky imposter syndrome, one of my regular passengers, snuck in again:
'How can you call yourself a writer if your poetry has only been published
in a couple of membership magazines?'
Ouch!
I am a writer because I write. I write a journal most days, (another useful tool), just to get sticky emotions or feelings out of my body or head, down onto paper, so I can look at them more objectively.
Quite often that will give me an idea for a blog post, a short story or poem. I choose the medium through which I want to share my thoughts and then....
My 'perfectionist' passenger gets on the bus, sits right behind me and whispers in my ear:
'You can't let people see that! They'll assume you're depressed/needy /pathetic/weird/ stupid.You put that comma in the wrong place, that picture looks like a child did it. People will criticise you! It'll feel just like that dream where you walked out of the house with no clothes on!'
What now?
I say 'Hi there, welcome, take a seat,'
Perfectionist Passenger saunters to the back of the bus.
I preview what I've written, edit, once more only, and press POST BLOG.
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