Personal Development – Feelings

I have an uneasy relationship with my feelings. Traumatic events in my childhood and then years of pretending I didn't have any feelings in order to not be vulnerable was exhausting.

Even after years of personal development courses, counselling, therapy etc. it's a daily effort to remember that I'm not responsible for everything;

I am allowed to express my happiness, sadness, anger, fear, pain, joy, and many other feelings. I believe it's important for my mental and physical health to be able to do so!

That's probably why I originally became an actress, I found a way to explore feelings without having to own them.

As I learned to reconnect with 'feeling' I opened a door once again to my psyche and became aware of 'spirit', something I'd not expected or planned for but it felt real, comfortable and normal to continue and become a Clairvoyant and Medium.

But there was still something missing.

I was so used to being self contained and relying only on myself that I was unable to ask for help even when I really needed it! Then I was offered some sessions with a Life coach in training which blew my mind and opened my heart. Thanks to that amazing person (they know who they are and thanks once again), I decided to train as a Life coach myself and oh boy what an exciting roller coaster ride that was!

Deciding to become a Life Coach seemed like the next natural step that would allow me to work with clients who wanted practical tools to help them move out of grief and loss and look at what they wanted next for themselves.

Do you think that once you know your true purpose it becomes easier to reconcile all the past mistakes and decisions you made? Maybe not but during the Life Coach training I had to have counselling and took the opportunity to reconnect with my inner child, teenager and young adult. I was able to observe them with kindness and understanding and to embrace them as parts of myself that never gave up on me, that helped me to survive and live, and that nudged me towards reconnecting with myself and others.

So my true purpose is to help those who are searching to find themselves again, or the parts of themselves they put away for safe keeping and who now feel ready to bring them out into the light again, to see how they fit now, and if they do, (or not), what to do with them.

Deciding to use a Life Coach is not a one size fits all journey, it's as individual as each human being. With the right coach by your side it's good to know you have someone to travel safely with while you move towards your goals.

NB I am a qualified Life Coach not a Counsellor. A Counsellor addresses a completely different need.

Imposter Syndrome, Perfectionism and Timing

This morning I was looking out of my window thinking the weather forecast was wrong, there was no snow. Then the sky was full of huge white flakes swirling in the wind. Instant change.

In life we often want the expected or planned things to happen according to our timeline and they don't, or not in quite the way we were expecting them to. Sometimes, no matter how much planning or preparation you do, if you struggle constantly with imposter syndrome then you need help to work on your mindset.

It's hard to do this alone!

I've been getting help with this and I'm still working on it, personally and professionally. 

I picked up some particularly useful tools on an ACT-based training, (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), taught by Dr Paul Flaxman of City, University of London.

ACT is a huge subject and I'm no expert, only a beginner, but I've added one strategy to my toolkit that I like and that works for me: The 'Passengers on the Bus' exercise.

If my thoughts or feelings are passengers on my bus 😊😠😑😴😶😕 they may stay on the bus for just a few stops or they may be there for the whole journey, they may even be annoying, but wishing my passengers away or not wanting to acknowledge them only makes them shout louder for my attention.

If I can acknowledge them and accept them, whether they feel helpful or unhelpful, I can get on with my day. My passengers are still there but they've quietened down because they've been heard.

Did I mention that I'm also a writer? No? Well that's probably why I like to use that tool. I love a good story. 

Hang on, how did I manage to leave out mentioning a part of me that is essential to my well being as well as my work? Sneaky imposter syndrome, one of my regular passengers, snuck in again:

'How can you call yourself a writer if your poetry has only been published

in a couple of membership magazines?'

Ouch!

I am a writer because I write. I write a journal most days, (another useful tool), just to get sticky emotions or feelings out of my body or head, down onto paper, so I can look at them more objectively.

 Quite often that will give me an idea for a blog post, a short story or poem. I choose the medium through which I want to share my thoughts and then....

My 'perfectionist' passenger gets on the bus, sits right behind me and whispers in my ear:

'You can't let people see that! They'll assume you're depressed/needy /pathetic/weird/ stupid.You put that comma in the wrong place, that picture looks like a child did it. People will criticise you! It'll feel just like that dream where you walked out of the house with no clothes on!'

What now? 

I say 'Hi there, welcome, take a seat,' 

Perfectionist Passenger saunters to the back of the bus.

I preview what I've written, edit, once more only, and press POST BLOG.

 

Personal Development

When I think about personal development and what it means for me I realise I'm a personal development junky!

Throughout my life I've always done courses or classes to improve myself or my skills,

never feeling as if I'd got all the tools I needed to be 'ready'.

But ready for what?

Ready to prove to myself and the world that I know what I'm talking about, that I'm a

bonafide actress, life coach, tutor, clairvoyant.

Because I never believed that I could be all of those things without being a dilettante, a dabbler. I thoughtthat in order to be taken seriously I had to choose one career and focus on it or fail.

I've gradually realised that all of these careers complement each other and that they give me a distinct advantage I can have it all but I don't have to try to do them all at once. 

I'm lucky, I can be flexible, I have choice!

Which in these strange times is a definite bonus.

Quite often (usually when I've convinced myself I'll never act again), an audition will

come completely out of the blue. My agent will email me, giving me the details of what to

do for the audition (usually to do a self tape due to social distancing), and the dates of

when I'd be needed if I get the job. I choose whether to do it or not depending on other

work I may have already committed to.

Sounds straight forward eh?

Except I usually want to do the acting job despite the other commitments and the stress, anxiety and fear of reorganising other work, because I LOVE ACTING and I know I'm good at it, I'm in my comfort zone playing other people!

It's taken me years to develop enough self belief to understand that it's ok to have fun and enjoy my work. Coming from a northern, working class, protestant work ethic, I got the message from childhood that only hard work was rewarded and anything that was fun was suspect and frivolous. And NEVER to blow my own trumpet or to be big headed enough to want to stand out from the crowd.

Since then I've become more self aware, I can honour myself and my multiple skills, experience and talents and with help from wonderful mentors I'm learning how to promote myself and my service to people who need my help and knowledge.

It's time for me to shine so I can help them shine too!